The remarrying of a parent is a stressful time for most children. Getting them involved in the wedding ceremony and process is a great way to welcome them into the moment and have them feel ownership and commitment to making it work. The good news is that there are plenty of fun and exciting ways kids can be involved, particularly in the ceremony itself.
The roles which come easily to mind are bridesmaids (for second marriages with older children), ring bearers (page boys), best man or maid of honor, again for older children, flower girls, and ushers- and if everyone is willing there is a lot to be said for this. Even if you are planning a very small civil wedding, it is still a good excuse to have those extra special outfits bought for the children, as long as they are ones they will enjoy wearing! And do tread carefully here.
Adam and Olivia involved their children in all the details of planning the wedding, and arranged that on the day itself their minister would add special vows for children in a second marriage. This was so that the children could be asked if they promised to love and honor their mother's new partner. A loud and firm 'We do' was heard by all present. In turn Adam was asked if he would love and support the children from now on. He was delighted to assert with conviction 'I do.'
Children Involvement In Wedding CeremoniesWays to include the kids
Be sensitive to the children's feelings and remember kids are often shy, so be sure to have some 'behind the scenes' jobs available. Second marriages with older children are terrific because they can obviously offer more help and take on more difficult tasks. They can help address the wedding invitations; a younger child can stuff the envelopes and glue the postage stamps. Feeling really creative? Have the children make the wedding invitations! If you are having a reception at home, the children can be even more inventive by decorating their own space, and any 'hands on' ideas you can have will make them feel a part of it all.
If a child is reluctant to be involved in any activity, and there may be many reasons for this, respect their point of view and never force a child's involvement. Gently remind them that their presence is of great importance and that will be enough if that's where their comfort level remains. But do make sure there is a photograph taken of all of you on the day. Remember you are beginning to create memories and a history for your new family. So, although this is your wedding day, if either already has a child of any age, you are marrying and blending a family. So listen to the kid's suggestions; they may have ideas which will surprise you. And don't forget to give each child a well-chosen wedding gift as a 'thank you' memento of the wedding.
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