Divorce and separation are things that many people dread. It is a painful process that most couples go through. There are a few cases where the decision is reached amicably and both parties are okay with the situation.
Most people are tempted to rush into another union. You should, however, take time to make a solid foundation. Before making a decision the children have to be considered. They should also be given time to adjust. Making them go through multiple drastic changes is not good.
Most blended families that have succeeded have one thing in common. The parents took their time, on average two years or even more after a divorce before remarrying. One drastic family change should not be piled over the other. The period of adjustment significantly increases the chances of success.
There are a few things that you should know early so that you do not end up getting frustrated. Do not expect to be in good terms with the children of your partner overnight. Love and affection develop gradually. You should let it happen at its own pace as you get to know them.
One way you can do this is by spending time with them especially in real life situations. Simply put the activities you engage in should reflect everyday life. You should also make an effort to make your children used to your partner. You should encourage your children to get to know each other.
You should discuss about parenting early. Get a common ground on how you can parent as a team. Be open to ideas and if necessary make parenting changes. The adjustments to parenting styles should be done before you remarry. This will make the transition smoother. Your children will not blame their stepparent for the changes.
Do not allow ultimatums. No one should put you in a situation where you have to make a decision between your new partner and your children. You should make it clear that you want both of them in your life. Insist they respect one another.
As mentioned earlier, do not expect too much. Do not expect the children to put in the same amount of effort to make the relationship work. This, however, should not stop you from putting time, love, energy and affection in fostering a good relationship. This investments and gestures may eventually pay off in the long run. Children should be given time to make a successful transition.
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